BURNT BRIDGES
BURNT BRIDGES
S.JENSEN © 2017
I need...
I need to go to sleep or get coffee
I am so tired
and its so god damn silent
do I sit here
and treasure
this individualism
or
find a strong drink
to wash sorrows
away
for a time
I just couldn’t do
a darn thing about
and yet
I still love her
in my heart
so bloody damn fucking
much
but I have to
keep going
doing
what I do
to stay ok
a roof over head
and hang
with friends
all
with their others
and I sit here
by myself
I hold the pillow
sometimes
sometimes I cry
sometimes I don’t
think on it
any more
I don’t talk
about it at all
cause
its just where
it is
so I hang
with them hoping
passing the time
will take
my mind off
the fact
my bed is so
lonely
still
six years
and I still don’t
know what
to do
or how to
really... anymore
but just
be and exist
in some hope
that my soul-mate
knows
out there
somewhere
cause I can’t
seem to do damn bloody
thing
to make a difference
some options
pop in the door
and
I am like no
best friends
so at night
I tell them
go home
just go home now
and
say out
the door as they
leave I love you too
and I do
but its not the same
so not the
same
one says what
would I do without you
and all I can
think about
is if I only wanted you
but I can’t
I don’t know
how to explain
that anymore
I chat with my kid
or I see her sometimes
its a surprise
like yesterday
we got oh maybe five minutes
but she came up
and tapped me
and said boo
freaked me out
but I knew instantly
it was her
best five minutes
of the day
and yet its always
hard to watch her
go her way
and I go mine
the things that
changed
and
so changed did they
so I keep busy
painting
and
creating projects
to fill the hole
that exists
and
nothing compares
no one compares
its like
that etched
prism
on the stone
shaped and molded
and shining
when light hits it
and
so far
its there
and I am on the
outside
spread out
and waiting
for a love
to come back
in to my life
that human
contact
that can’t
replace anything
but oh how
it so fills me
with inspiration
to create on
a higher level
than where
its just blah
now
yet as a friend
reminded me
yesterday
I have high
standards
guess
its cause
I don’t want
to be hurt again
cause my
relationships
kinda have
a tragedy point to them
some start fast
and end fast
some last long
and fade away
some just never
get to the point
they could be
and remain
in the friend zone
mostly my fault
sometimes I say
yes
and sometimes
I say
no
sometimes I so run
away
when I see any sign
of crazier than me
the nutty kind
and for a good reason
now
I so need that
intensity
that intimacy
that
gathered comfort
of just being
in someones arms
that cares
and then I think
oh but know
all that goes with it
can you deal with it
do you want that
and where can
you find
something
that you have never
had and yet
you see it everywhere
there is a side
of me that is
so romantic
and sometimes even
raw but it is what it is
so long
with nada
not even a kiss
that sparked my thrill
that chemistry
thing
that zing
so I stay by myself
and single
sitting here
the thoughts of that
slow touch
that tingle in the fingers
the twirl of the tongue
and
the sweet caresses
oh they still
fill my mind
and then
I walk away
cause there
isnt anyone
that I think would
even cross that line
with me…
or if we did
oh it would be
a mistake
and that would
end what friendships
I got now
cause it always does
so I don’t approach it
oh how cool
this water of my jug
can get
and push others away
or never
to even try
that never
to try thing
screams in my ears
so I don’t go there
I don’t think on it
I just continue
but sometimes
its so hard
knowing
that maybe the only
one that could have
been my eternal
soul-mate
decided that
it wasn’t to be
and left me here
alone
oh love
where did you go
from me
how can I get
a love to
let me be me
and be so
strong that just
being around each other
is enough
to do together
same things
and not separate
and yet if we
want to do separate
things we can
and then come back
later when we meet
that unconditional
point where
no one is jealous
no one questions
no one walks
on the egg shells
that someone
could be
really good for me
cause
so many set me
on the egg shells
and I am like
nope just go
I won’t walk that
path again
sorry like you and all
but nope
I won’t do it
as a friend I do it
enough as it is
oh to my dreams
and this
single life
by choice
maybe
but their just
don’t seem to be
anyone
that fits that
spot
so sometimes
I may seem crazy
and nutty
cause I am so cautious
and talk too much
on the past
but I don’t live in it
there I live here
and now
well another
bridge
that eternally burns
and no one
willing to
cross it
to get to me.
so I guess there
are just too many
burnt bridges...
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