LIL LIGHTS

LIL LIGHTS

S.JENSEN © 2020

ITS HARD TO WRITE

YET I FIND SOME

WAY TO EXPRESS

LIGHTED BY

TINY FLAMES

I WAS IN LOVE

FORGIVEN IN THE

WAKE OF OTHERS

RUSHING IN

AND TEARING IT ASUNDER

RUMORS FLY AWAY

LIKE FAKED EVERYTHING

TO THOSE THAT

SOUGHT TO RIP

MY HEART TO

SHREDS

FOR WHAT WAS

MY FANTASIES

OF LOVE

I WILL NEVER HAVE

WAS MY MISTAKE

FOR WRITING

THEM ON A COMPUTER

NOT FOR

THEM TO EXPLOIT

IT DID RIP

MY HEART OUT

A LIVING HELL

FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED

INTENSELY IT BURNED

AND SPUN

FROM A DEEP

YEARNING WELL

WHERE

LONELINESS

HAD CONSUMED

FOR SO LONG

AND WAS UNLEASHED

FOR A PERIOD

OF TIME

OF A DESIRE

I WISHED FOR

FOR SO LONG

DEEP IN MY HEART

LOST NOW

BUT IT ALL WAS

STOLEN AWAY

TORN OUT

I LEFT IT WHERE

IT FELL

SAID OK

AND WALKED AWAY

YET OVERWHELMED

IT HIT ME

HARD

AS A ROCK

TO THE BACK

OF THE HEAD

BY ALL ASSAULTS

AND DIRECTIONS

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT

AND FROM

MOUTHS

I NEVER THOUGHT

IT WOULD COME FROM

HURT

IS NOT THE WORD

HOW WRONG

IT BECAME

I SAID JUST

STOP DESTROYING

I HAVE NO HATE

WHY HATE ME

WHAT DID

I DO

I NEVER MEANT

ANY HARM

YET BOY IT FOUND

ITS WAY TO ME

PLENTY OF IT

IN RETURN

LOST AND SHATTERED

I PICKED UP

PIECES OF WHAT

I COULD

OVER AND OVER

TO HOLD ONTO

THE SWEET REALNESS

OF THE BEGINNING

TO WHATEVER

I COULD THAT

WAS REAL

AND MINE

PASSIONS LEFT

IN DREAMS

AND PAST LOVES

ALL LAID

OUT LIKE

A BLOODY SHRINE

I GAVE MY LIFE

ALL OF IT

GOOD

BAD AND UGLY

TRUTHS

AND FOUGHT

FOUGHT

AND FOUGHT

AT ANYTHING

THAT CROSSED

MY PATH

AFTER THAT

SO BLOODY MAD

AT HOW

THEY MADE

IT FLY

ALL IN A GRIP

I WATCHED

LEARNED

THE COMPUTER

STUFF I COULD

TO FIGHT BACK

WHAT LIL I COULD

LOST ALOT

ALONG THE WAY

INSIDE AND OUT

TO A BATTLE

I DIDN’T

FEEL I DESERVED

OH TO THE

RAGE

OF SOMEONES HATE

WHEN MY HEART

FINALLY DID

BREAK

IT BROKE HARD

DREAMS SHATTERED

TORN ASUNDER

IN THE BLINK

OF AN EYE

LEAVING ME

WAY DOWN

SO WAY DOWN

PICKED UP WHAT

PIECES I COULD

TO KEEP GOING

ACCUSED

AND BETRAYED

LEFT TO ZERO

LIES BEHIND

THERE SMILES

REFLECTING

YEARS OF

SEARCHING

TO TEARS

THEN

DONE

JUST DONE

THEY STILL

TRY

THEY HURT

TOO MANY

USING MY WORDS

MY STUFF

TAKING MY ART

MY EVERYTHING

I HAD HAD IT

THEY JUST PUSHED

AND PUSHED

TO KEEP ME

WHERE THEY WANTED

AND WHAT WAS

MINE

IS MINE

I GAVE THEM

ANYTHING

TO THE INVISIBLE THIEVES

FOR THAT CONSTANTLY

AT MY THROAT

WAS BEGAN

AS PURELY

FRIENDLY

LOVING JOY

TURNED TO UTTER HELL

TO SUDDEN

CHALLENGES

AND CHANGES

NOW I JUST WISH…

OH TO KNOW TRUTHS

BUT PUSHED

IT ALL

TO THAT WILL NEVER BE

I WAITED

AND WAITED

AND SEE WE WAITED

AND WAITED

ON BOTH SIDES

AS THEY PLAYED

IN THE FIDDLES WAY

TO GAIN

WHATEVER

THEY WANTED

THAT I HAVE NO CLUE

ABOUT

MY FRIEND

AND I

LOST IN THAT

TWISTEDNESS

THREATS THAT CAME

I HAD

NO CHOICE

THERE WAS NO CHOICE

WALKED AWAY

HOLDING

WHAT WAS DEAR

AND SAYING

THAT

MY FRIEND WOULD

NEVER HAVE

DONE THIS

WHAT ALL WAS

TO ME

HELD IN MY HEART

AND CRIED

A BLOODY RIVER

DESIRES

SHREDDED

LOVE

IN MEMORIES

OF WHERE

I JUST SCREAMED

LIES TO THEM

TO LEAVE

BUT THEY NEVER DID

THEY JUST

HURT

AND HURT

AND HURT

I LEFT IT

AS CLEARLY

AS I COULD

AS IT RIPPED

ME INSIDE AND OUT

THEIR HATE

WHERE I

HAD NONE

ANGER WOULD

COME AND GO

AS IT FULLY

FUELED A SPARK

OF WHY

THE HELL

WHO THE HELL

AND

THEN JUST

A TRUTH

OF BLOODY

FUCKING OH MY GOD

SO

NOW I DON’T

WRITE LIKE THAT

EVER AGAIN

NO MORE

MY HEART IS

FUCKED OVER

ALL I WISHED

ALL I DREAMED

ALL I CRAVED

THEY TORE IT OUT OF ME

BIT BY BIT

DAMAGE DONE

THEY WIN

THEY CAN HAVE IT

WHEN ONES SOUL ACHES

SO DEEP

AND THE PAIN IN THE

HEART BECOMES

VERY REAL

IT DEEPLY RIPS

YOU KNOW

THE EDGE OF THE

HEART THAT

BREAKS

LIKE THAT

DOESN’T HEAL

ITS THE WORST

FEELING IN THE WORLD

I SO CENTERED

SELF

BACK ON

HEALING

AND LEFT IT ALONE

FIGHTING IT

AS IT STILL

REARS OUT

AT ME

THE DAMN LIES

THEY MAKE

TOOK THE

SWEET KIND FRIENDSHIP

OF A LOVE

TO THE BRINK

AND I SO

FOCUSED

ON MY LEG

TO HEAL

ON MY BACK

TO HEAL

ON WHATEVER

WAS KILLING ME

TO HEAL

AND GO AWAY

I WORKED HARD

TO OVERCOME

THAT DOOM

I DIDN’T WANT

ANY WAY I COULD

AND KEEP MY

MIND MINE

SAID I HAVE

TO OVERCOME

THIS

AND THEIR PETTY

ATTACKING WAR

MUST END

I HAVEN’T THE TIME

I HAVE TO

HEAL ME

THEIR LIES HAD TO GO

DEAD DREAMS

NOW

WHEN I HAVE

ONLY ME

TO BLAME

FOR TRYING

AND LOSING

AND NOT HAVING

MEANS TO

ANYTHING

I HEAL ME

FIRST AND FOREMOST

WHAT WILL BE

WILL BE

THE REST WILL

GO AWAY

FATE IS WHAT IT IS

SO MANY

TIMES

THWARTED

BY OTHERS

ALL KARMA

WILL REAP

WHAT IS SOWN

I HAVE TO BELIEVE

THAT

AND WHAT IS REAL

WILL BE

AND SHINE

THROUGH

IT ALL

THAT DEEP DOWN

I KNOW

INSIDE

WHAT WAS

WAS

AND THAT REMAINS

AND WHATEVER

COULD HAVE BEEN

THEY MADE SURE

I HAVE NO

SAY SO IN IT

EVER

THEIR ATTACKS

THREATS

AND LIES

HAUNT

BUT I TRY SO HARD

TO BE

WHO I AM

IN ALL OF IT

DESPITE IT ALL

HOPING ITS SEEN

AS ONLY LOVE

NOT HATE

ON MY END

VISIONS

AND WACKED

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

ASIDE

I LET GO

OF THE MAD

BECAUSE

IT DESTROYED

EVERYTHING

GOOD IN ME

AND I COULDN’T

LET IT

TAKE ALL OF ME

AWAY

I AM SITTING

HERE

SAYING OH LOVE

HOW

MESSED UP

DID IT ALL GET

AS I STRUGGLE

STILL

MORE NOW THAN

THEN

SOME DAYS

IT SEEMS

NEVER ENDING

TORN

IN THE ASHES

I SIT THE DREAM

AND IT WILL

STAY THERE

FOR THE PAPER

BURNED AWAY

NO OTHER WAY

TO CHANGE

HOW THEY SET IT

ALL IN MOTION

I LOOK OUT

THE WINDOW

AT THE CLOUDS

COVERING THE NIGHT

SKY

SOME DAYS

STARS SHINE THROUGH

AS NIGHT

COMES

WHEN I DRIFT

TO SLEEP

I CALL OUT

AND I SAY IT

EVERY NIGHT

THE THREE WORDS

I MEAN

THAT FALL FROM

MY DEAF EARS

IN THE SILENCE

ALWAYS IN THE

SILENCE

I LOVE YOU

FOR I WILL NEVER

LET

ANYTHING

DESTROY

THAT

IN MY HEART

EVER AGAIN

NEVER THE SAME

WHISPERS

OF A FLAME

EMBERS IN ITS

FLICKERING

PULSE…

LIFETIME…

I DRAW AND PAINT

MY LIFE AWAY

ITS ALL I CAN DO

WHILE WORLD

CRUMBLES

ALL AROUND ME

TO HOLD

TIL MY LAST BREATH

SOMETHING

THERE

IS A DIFFERENT

LOVE

TO THAT OF

IN LOVE

AND MY LOVE

WILL ALWAYS BE

DEEPLY ROOTED

IN

THE FRIENDSHIP

ITS JUST ME

HOW I EXPRESS

MY LOVE

FOR ANYONE

NEVER ADD WEIGHT

TO THE CHAINS

ONLY CHARMS

OF POSITIVE

MEMORIES

AS WHATS BEEN CLEAR

FADES

IN TONES

OF YESTERYEARS

SHADES

IN TODAYS

PRESENCE MAY

TOMORROW

BRING ONLY

LOVE

JOY

AND

PEACE

INSIDE OUT

OUTSIDE IN

I LET GO

OF WHAT

I HAVE NO

CONTROL

OVER

AND HOLD

THAT WHICH

I CAN

LIKE GLUE

WHILE I CAN

FOR THE EDGES

CONSTANTLY

AT THE DOOR

SAYING

WE WILL

TEAR YOU

APART

THE MOMENT

WE CAN

YOU CAN’T

FIGHT US

FOREVER

YET I DO

AND

I HAVE

AND TIL

THEY TAKE

EVERYTHING

I WILL

KEEP BEING

ME

NO REGRETS

THOUGH

MY SOUL

SCREAMS

AND I GET

SO ANGRY

AT THE ONES

THAT I SEE

AS NOTHING

BUT EVIL

HIS CROWN

HE WEARS IN THAT

SEAT WILL

BE ENDING

SOMEDAY

IT HAS TO

THAT ALL THE EVIL

WILL HAVE

TO END

IT JUST HAS TO

I TRY NOT

TO THINK ON

IT

TOO DEEPLY

AS I KNOW

MORE IS COMING

AND

HOW I WILL

SEE IT THROUGH

I HAVE NO CLUE

SO I SAY

NO DON’T LET IT

BE THIS WAY

JUST NO

I LAY MY HEAD

DOWN

ON MY PILLOW

AND

REST

THATS ALL I KNOW

TO DO

TIL

TOMORROW

COMES

MY SPARK

WEARS THIN

LIKE TIN

BUT THERE

ARE MANY

LAYERS

TO THE CORE

HOW LONG

CAN I STAY

BEING

THE

WAY I AM

ALWAYS BEEN

LOVE

INNOCENT

DEEP LOVE

JUSTICE

WALKED AWAY

AND LEFT ME

HERE

AND ITS

ALL

LIKE

JUST

WHAT THE FUCK

I CRY FOR

THAT WHICH

I HAVE NO

WAY

TO DO

A DAMN THING

ABOUT

AND

KEEP MY

FLAME

UNDER THE

COALS

EMBERS BRIGHT

ORANGE

GLOW

TWINKLING

IN THEIR

LITTLE

DANCE

LIKE LIGHTS

ON MY WALL.