REALITY
REALITY
S.JENSEN © 2017
LISTENING TO MUSIC
FROM AGES AGO
IT SEEMS
AND YET NOT
THAT LONG AGO
HOW ONE
CAN BE SO BLIND
AND LET GO
OF THE EMOTIONS
THAT SET IT
TO BEGIN
SET IT ALL
ON FLAMES
AND BURNED
THE PAGES
DOWN INTO SOMEWHERE
LEFT ON A
DIGITAL CARD
BUT RARELY
LOOK AT
CAUSE IT WAS
ALL BASED
ON LIES
AND I DIDN’T
WANT TO SEE
IT
OR FEEL IT
OR KNOW IT
AND IT WAS
SO TOLD TO ME
OVER AND OVER
AND I LET IT
CARRY OVER
FOR AWHILE
AFTERWARDS
I SO CHANGED
MY TUNE
FROM THAT
DAY I LISTENED
TO THE MUSIC
PLAY
AND HOW IT
CRASHED ME
AND CRUSHED MY HEART
TO KNOW
HOW COULD
I BE SO WRONG
HOW COULD
I BE SO MESSED UP
IN THAT VIEW
OH IT WAS A LOVE
THAT NEVER EVER
GOT TO BE
CAUSE
OF THE WAY
I WAS SO
DUPED
OVER BY
SOMEONE
AND THAT
HURT BEYOND
HURT
TOOK AWHILE
TO GET OVER
AND ALL IT
BROUGHT ME
SHOWED ME
AND WHERE I AM
TODAY
I LIVED THROUGH
SOMETHING
I CAN’T REALLY
EXPLAIN IT ALL
NOR DO I KNOW
HOW TOO
IT DID INSPIRE ME
TO CHANGE MANY
THINGS IN MY LIFE
WELL TRY TO
ANYHOW
AND FOR THAT
I THANK THE
REAL PERSON
THAT WAS IN MY LIFE
WHOMEVER THEY
WERE
DAYS TURN TO YEARS
AS THE LEAVES
CONTINUE
TO CHANGE WITH
THE SEASONS
LIKE THE LOVE
THAT RESTED
FOR SO LONG IN
MY HEART
LOCKED THERE
AND NOW
ITS LONG
GONE
AND SOME DAYS
I STILL FIND MYSELF
LOOKING TO IT ALL
GOING OH
HOW SUCH A FOOL
I WAS
AND HOW I WAS
SO FREAKING BLIND
AND YET
IT SO CHANGED
MY ENTIRE WORLD
AND IN THIS
LONELY FOUR WALLED
SPACE
ITS HOW IT IS
I MOVED ON
AND I CARRIED IT
IN A FLAME
THAT HELPED
ME CREATE SO FREAKING
MUCH
IN SO MANY LEVELS
AND YET
I AM STILL HERE
AND NOT GOTTEN
VERY FAR
BUT I TRIED
AND I AM STILL
TRYING
NOW AT LEAST
FROM IT ALL
I AM TRYING
SOME DAYS
I WONDER
HOW COULD I
HAVE BEEN
SO WRONG
HOW I LET
IT GET SO
UNDER MY SKIN
SO TURNED IT
INTO SOMETHING
TO GIVE ME
HOPE TO GET
OUT OF THIS
SITUATION
AND MAKE IT
BETTER
IT GOT ME
UP AND DOWN
THE HILL
IT GOT ME
TRYING TO LEARN
MORE
ABOUT HOW
COMPUTERS RUN
INSIDE AND OUT
SO
I HAVE LEARNED
SO MUCH
FROM IT ALL
AND STILL
DON’T EVER
CLAIM TO
KNOW IT ALL
HECK PARTS OF
ME DON’T KNOW
A BLOODY THING
I SIT HERE
SIPPING MY TEA
IN THE FAN
AND MUSIC FLOWING
IN AND OUT
MY EARS
AND STILL
TEARS START
TO SWELL UP
BUT I SWALLOW
THEM DOWN
AS I LET IT GO
HOW SMART
AND YET HOW
STUPID
DID I FALL
AND I NEVER
LET ANYONE
IN EVER
SO THAT WAS
A FIRST
AND WELL
LESSON LEARNED
NEVER AGAIN
AND THAT IS
A FACT
ASKED OVER
AND OVER
TO HAVE
IT BE BROUGHT
TO A REAL
FRIENDSHIP
OR JUST
A PEN PAL THING
LIKE OTHERS I KNOW
AND
YET NEVER
...
THE LETTERS NEVER
CAME
SO ITS SO
NOW LEFT
IN THAT
WELL I TOLD
YOU SO THING
AS MY MIND
SAYS TO THE HEART
STOP BEING BROKEN
OVER
SOMETHING
AND SOMEONE
THAT JUST
REALLY NEVER
WANTED TO BE
OTHER THAN
THE DREAM THEY
FELT WAS
THERE IN LIMBO
LED ME TO
FEEL
AND
SO WHO EVER
THEY ARE
WERE
COULD HAVE
BEEN
MUCH MORE
AND YET
IT NEVER WILL BE
NOW
TAKES A POINT
AND YOU REALIZE
THAT
WELL THOSE
THAT WERE HERE
REALLY DIDN’T
CARE THAT
MUCH AFTER ALL
AND YES
I AM POOR
AND OVERWEIGHT
AND GETTING
AROUND THESE
DAYS SLOWER
THAN BEFORE
WITH A PAIN
THAT I AM LEARNING
TO GET USED TO
BUT IT
NEVER EVER
MEANT I WANTED
ANYTHING
BUT TO BE
IN THE LIFE
OF SOMEONE
THAT SHOWED UP
HERE
ON MY FOUR WALLS
OF ALL THOSE
I CONSIDERED
FRIENDS
I SO
WAS EAGER
FOR THIS
ONE TO LAST
IN SOME FORM
OF REALITY
AND NOT
JUST
THE WEIRD
STRANGE
IN BETWEEN
OF THERE AND HERE
SOMEWHERE
OUT THERE
IN LIMBO
NOW
I CLOSE OFF
THAT PART OF ME
AND TRY TO
GO ON
AGAIN
AS ALWAYS
STRANGE HOW
REALITY
SETS IN
AND YOU ARE
LIKE OH OK
SO THAT IS
THE REAL POINT
OF THIS
LEARNING
TO GET USED
TO BEING ALONE
LEARNING
TO GET USED
TO KNOWING
THAT NOW
THERE IS NO FEAR
AND YET
MY THROAT
CHOKES UP
AND TEARS FALL
WHEN I THINK ON
IT
SO I LET IT GO
WHY DID
I WASTE SO MUCH
EFFORT
AND TIME
ON TRYING
TO GAIN SOMETHING
FROM THIS
CAUSE
THEY TOOK
SO MUCH TIME
TO BE HERE
SO I FIGURED
IT WAS
THE PERSON
I THOUGHT IT WAS
BUT GUESS
AGAIN
I AM WRONG
I NEVER ASKED
ANYTHING
BUT TO HAVE
COMMUNICATION
ON SOME
NORMAL LEVEL
YET DENIED
ALWAYS
AND ALWAYS
THINGS CREATE
ISSUES
THAT ARE SO
UNNECESSARY
SITTING IN MY CHAIR
THINKING ON
WHAT I GOT TO DO
TO DAY
AND
FINDING A WAY
TO DO THAT
AND
SO I WILL
FIND SOME WAY
TO
KEEP GOING
KEEP SURVIVING
AS I HAVE ALWAYS
DONE
JUST NOW
MY HEART DON’T
HAVE ANYTHING
TO MAKE
IT SING
AND BELIEVE
AND HOPE
SO I HAVE TO
CREATE SOMETHING
TO FILL THAT
HOLE
SOME HOW
ALL DRIED
UP THE BLEEDING
IS NOW DONE
SO I HAVE
FINALLY HEALED
FROM IT
ONE THING
I HAVE FROM IT ALL
IS THAT
I WILL
CARRY ON
BY MYSELF
FOR A LONG TIME
NOW
CAUSE
I JUST AM NOT
WILLING
TO GET HURT
AGAIN
NOT YET
NEVER WILL
I LET
SOMEONE
I DON’T
EVEN KNOW
LET MY
HEART
GO SO FREAKING
CRAZY
I AM NOT
SAYING
I WON’T FIND LOVE
AND BE HAPPY
IF IT COMES
ALONG
THE WAY
I WILL WELCOME IT
BUT
ITS
GONNA
TAKE A VERY
VERY DIFFERENT
PERSON
TO
DO THAT
AND
SO FAR
NO ONE EVEN
COMPARES
TO THE
MYSTERY
AND
THE SORT OF
KNOWS
TO
THE WELL
WHAT THE HECK
WAS I THINKING
ACHE IS LESS
ITS STILL AN ACHE
BUT ITS LESS
AND
OF IT ALL
I AM HERE
AND SURVIVING
SO I AM
GLAD
I MADE IT THROUGH
I HAVE
HAD ENOUGH
I GUESS
OF THAT FANTASY
RIDE
INTO THE
UNKNOWN
AND I REMAIN
HERE
IN REALITY
SO THAT
DEEP LINE ON MY
HAND IN BOTH
SIDES
IS STILL
A MYSTERY
I GUESS
KINDRED SOULS
ARE STILL
OUT THERE
SOMEWHERE
WILL I LISTEN
IN THE FUTURE
MAYBE
OFF AND ON
I WILL
JUST TO SEE
THAT THEY ARE
OK
CAUSE I STILL
CARE
EVEN IF
IT WAS MISLED
AND MISGUIDED
AND
NOT WHO
I THOUGHT IT WAS
A PART OF
ME HAS TO
CARRY IN MY HEART
THAT
SOME OF IT
HAD TO BE
FELT
AND SHARED
AND
THAT
THERE WAS
A MOMENT
OF A MEMORY
THAT
LOVE HAD
A CHANCE
TO BE IN
THE HIGHER
SPACES
FROM HOW
THE LOW IT BEGAN
SO
I GUESS
WE GO
BACK TO
BEING
STRANGERS
IT HAS
BEEN YEARS
NOW
AND I SO
SHOULD HAVE
KNOWN
BETTER
IT NEVER CHANGES
ITS ALWAYS
THAT WAY
AND
GUESS ITS
ALWAYS
BEEN MY HEART
WAS MORE
DEEPLY
INVOLVED
THAN
IT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN
HECK I ONLY
LET
SO FEW
HAVE THAT
SPOT IN MY LIFE
AND NOW
I GUESS
IT REALLY
DOESN’T MEAN
MUCH IN
THE END
OF THINGS
NOT WHERE
I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE
WHERE
I FELT
IT SHOULD HAVE
BEEN
BUT IT
WAS ALL
JUST
MY FEELINGS
I GUESS
ALL IN MY HEAD
ALL IN MY
SPACE
AND JUST
A SPACE
WHERE I LET
REALITY
GO OUT THE WINDOW
FOR LOVE
SO
LISTENING
TO MUSIC
FLOWING
AS THE LEAVES
ON THE TREES
SLIGHTLY
MOVE
LOST MY MIND
LOST MY HEART
LOST MY OH MY
THE THINGS GONE
IN THIS FIGHT
AND
YET WHAT I
HAVE BEEN
ABLE TO
HOLD ON TO
HAS SO CHANGED
LIFE IS
WHAT IT IS
AND
I SO LEARNED
MY LESSON
ON THIS TIME
I WON’T FALL
FOR IT
AGAIN
I WONDER
NOW WHAT
THE HECK
WAS I WAITING
ON
WHY WAS
I THINKING
IT WOULD
EVER BE
DIFFERENT
AND
COULD
BE MORE
THAN
THE NOTHING
THAT IT
MEANS TO THEM
NOT THAT
WE DIDN’T TRY
JUST I AM
TOO FAR
AWAY
IN THIS REALITY
OF MINE
SITUATIONS
MAKE IT SO HARD
SOMETIMES
TO
DO MUCH
OF ANYTHING
AND IT SO
MAKES
THE DREAMS
FADE INTO
NOTHINGNESS
I HAVE TO BELIEVE
THAT SOME
SORT OF LOVE
EXISTED
FOR A WHILE
NOT SURE
WHO IT WAS
THAT REALLY
DIDN’T LIKE
ME
OR WHY
THEY ATTACKED
SO
BUT IT
DID FINALLY
GET ACROSS
THAT
I AM A FOOL
FOR LOVE
AND
WILL
NEVER BE
A FOOL
FOR IT
AGAIN
IN THOSE WAYS
SET THE KITE
TO FLY
AND CUT THE
CORD
AND LET IT
SOAR UP AND
UP
TRYING SO
HARD
NOT TO FEEL
ANYTHING
IS HARDER TO DO
THAN
ANYONE
REALIZES
NOTHING
NEW
…
