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S.JENSEN (C) 2017

THERE IS NO WAY

TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL

HOW IN A FUNK I AM

DEPRESSED AS HELL RIGHT NOW

AND THE CHOICES MADE

I THOUGHT IT WOULD

LEAVE THE FUCKING MESS

AWAY FROM YOU

AND AWAY FROM ME

IT BROUGHT HELL DOWN

ON ME FOR A FEW YEARS

MADE ME PRETTY

NUTTY OVER IT ALL

I CANT EXPLAIN A GOD DAMN

THING REALLY BUT

ONE THING IS I AM HERE

BROKE AS FUCK

AND HAVE BEEN SINCE DAY

ONE OF IT ALL

SOMEDAYS THE PAIN

TAKES OVER AND LEGS

AND BACK SAY YOU AINT

MOVING NADA

OTHERS I CAN GO DO

WHAT I NEED TOO

BY GATHERING STRENGTH

AND ENERGY FROM

LORD KNOWS WHERE

TO GET SIMPLE THINGS DONE

AND THERE IS NOTHING

THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THAT

ITS GONNA GET WORSE

AS I AGE IT IS WHAT IT IS

NO THERE WAS NO

INNOCENCE

I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO

AND FELL IN LOVE

IN THE PROCESS

I ASK FORGIVENESS

AND THAT THE HELL

WOULD END

I DON'T BLAME MY

INSPIRING MUSE

FOR IT NOT ONE BIT

BLOCKED AND HACKED

AND LOST TEN COMPUTERS

IN THE MESS

IDENTITY ISSUES

MONEY ISSUES

NO JOB ISSUES

WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY

UM YEP I WENT NUTS

FIGHTING AN INVISIBLE

THING...

I AM NOT THAT NUTTY

HOWEVER THAT I

DIDN'T SEE

KNOW

BUT AS BROKE AS I AM

HOW THE HELL CAN

YOU FULLY FIGHT THAT

ALONE AND NOT

COME OUT SHORTHANDED

THOUGHT I WAS PROTECTING

BY STAYING AWAY

WHEN SOMEONE

THREATS A LIFE YOU

KINDA GO BONKERS OVER IT

THEN I WENT

THROUGH A SPIRITUAL MAJOR

JOURNEY TO KEEP

ME GROUNDED

ALIVE AND SANE

I CAN'T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN

IT ALL

BUT I KNOW NOT

BEING ABLE TO TALK

ABOUT IT IS FUSTRATING

CHANGES PEOPLES LIVES

DAY IN AND DAY OUT

NOT KNOWING WHERE

THE HELL ITS COMING FROM

OR WHY

FOR THAT MATTER

THE WHY IS THE BIGGEST

PART OF IT ALL

AND SO KNOW THERE ARE

THOSE ON MY SIDE

THAT FOUGHT WITH THIS

MESS THROUGH IT

AND STILL FIGHT IT

I AM BLOODY TIRED OF IT ALL

MY HEART HAS BEEN

THROUGH THE WRINGER

AND I AINT ALONE IN THAT

EITHER

I DON'T WANT ANY MORE

TROUBLE AT ALL

ITS TAKEN ITS BLOODY TOLL

AND NOW KNOWING

THAT I CAN'T HELP

BUT SIT HERE AND KNOW

I AM NOT ALONE

SAYS SO MUCH

YET I AM ALONE IN ANOTHER

WAY

THE COSTS OF THIS

PUSH ONE TO THE BRINK

I CRIED AND CRIED

RIVERS BUT WE ALL

THOUGHT THINGS WOULD BE OK

I KNOW I DID

TELL MY HEART TO NOT

GIVE A DAMN NOW

CAUSE I CANT SEEM

TO TELL IT THAT

FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

TO ME ARE ONE AND THE SAME

AND THAT IS NOT SEXUAL

BUT I TOTALLY DON'T

FALL IN LOVE TO JUST ANYONE

NOR DO I KNOW

WHAT TO DO WITH THIS

BLOODY EMOTION

SITTING HERE UNDER

MY BLANKET

CAUSE PAIN WRACKED ME

HARD AND I BEEN IN A

FUNK KNOWING

YET NOT KNOWING

HOW SOMEONE ELSE FELT

WHAT IT DONE TO HER

WHAT IT DONE TO ME

WHAT IT DOES STILL

IS DRIVING ME INSANE

THAT MUCH I SWEAR

I MISS AND KNOW

AND THOUGHT ALL WOULD BE OK

EXCEPT FOR THIS

HEART I AM OK

FOR THE MOST PART

STRUGGLES ARE NEVER CHANGING

THEY ALWAYS BEEN

SO THAT IS NOTHING NEW

NOR DO I ASK ANYTHING

I DEAL WITH IT

BUT IF I JUST KNEW FOR ONE MINUTE

I COULD HELP ANYWAY

I CAN KNOW I WOULD

CAUSE I CERTAINLY AINT

THE DAMN SAME

STUCK HERE IS FRUSTRATING

WHAT SEEMS TO HAPPEN

IS MORE FRUSTRATING

THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO

THAT COILED COIN

I KNOW THAT

BUT KNOW AS MUCH AS I LOVE

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO

ABOUT IT

BUT YES I DO

SO I ASK THIS

WHAT YOU WANT ME

TO DO...

?

there is nothing holding me here

if you hate me then say so

i am not gonna hurt any less than i do

now ... if you need a friend

i am here that is all i say on it

i stayed away for good reasons

and been trying to drown myself

in my work... thinking you hated me

so what you want me to do.... ?