MY MISTAKEN HEART

MY MISTAKEN HEART

S.JENSEN 2018 (C)

TRANSLATED WORDS LAY ON THE PAGE

FROM YEARS AGO

AS I SEARCHED FOR POEMS

AND FOUND IT GOING

OH YEAH... THAT...

AND HOW WITHIN THE ICY TONGUE

IT STILL CATCHES IN MY THROAT

THE UNKNOWNS

STILL CARRY IN MY MIND

IN THOSE EYES OF DAGGERS

THOUGHTS REMEMBERED

....

TOLD I WAS HAUNTING

TO STOP

THAT MY WORDS

WERE A CURSE

THAT TO LOVE ME

WAS TORTURING THEM

...

SO I WALKED AWAY

IT WAS NOT HOW I

WOULD EVER HAVE

WANTED TO BE

...TO ANYONE...

DREAMS SPREAD

OUTWARD AS I FORGAVE

AND WALKED AWAY

WITH THE DEEPEST

BROKEN HEART

TOLD TO FORGIVE

AND TO FORGET

ALLOWED THEM

TO BE THEM

THOSE CHOICES

THAT DAY

STRUCK A DARKNESS

DEEP IN MY SOUL

I SUNK DOWN LOW

AND COULDN'T GET OUT

JUDGEMENT CAME

IT CRUSHED HARD...

I TRANSCENDED

FROM ALMOST LEAVING

THIS WORLD

FOR I HAD HURT

SOMEONE AND IT

TORE INTO MY CORE

OH HOW DID

I END UP HURTING

WHEN THAT WAS

FARTHEREST FROM

WHAT I WISHED

IN BETWEEN WORLDS

BACK AND FORTH

MY EYES SAW

THE GLOW

AND BOWED

DOWN THERE

AND TOLD

TO COME BACK

THEY COULD NOT

HELP ME THERE

I HAD TO RETURN

I WAS NOT ALLOWED

TO STAY

MY PURPOSE IN LIFE

WAS FAR FROM

OVER

I AM NOT THE SAME

I WILL NEVER BE

THE SAME

SINCE THEN

I HAVE TRIED

TO DO

AS I WAS ASKED

AND STAY AWAY

THE COST OF LOVE

MY LOVE

HURT

WHEN ALL I WANTED

WAS TO SAY

HELLO

I DIDN'T KNOW

THERE WAS

SOMETHING DEEPLY

ROOTED

CAUSING

MASSIVE PAIN

I WALKED AWAY

I DID TRULY

NOT KNOW

BUT WHAT CAME

AFTER

HAS BEEN A

LONG STRUGGLE

TIL MY HEART

FELT NUMB

AGAIN

PEACE REACHED

IN AND FOLLOWED

LETTING EVERYTHING GO

STILL I FOUGHT

THE ISSUES THAT ARISED

QUESTIONING

WHAT I HAD DONE

WAS IT SO BAD

TO LOVE ME

OH THE COST AND LOSS

YEARS LATER

I STILL WONDER

OH DAMN WHAT I DO

THAT WAS SO TRULY BAD

I WALK A DIFFERENT

PATH NOW

A VERY SOLITARY ONE

YEARS OF TROUBLES

FOR MISTAKES

OF MY OWN HEART

I NEVER KNEW

I HAD BECOME SUCH

A BURDENED HURT

OH HACKED LIFE

THE LIES

AND BETRAYELS

OH FOR MY SORROW

OF MISTAKING

SOMEONE

TO BE WHO IT WASN'T...

I WILL NOT EVER

TRUST OR FEEL

AS DEEPLY

EVER AGAIN

THAT HURT TO THE CORE

I LEARNED MY

LESSON

I NOW SIT MORE

OR LESS AS I HAVE

BEEN YEARS BEFORE

AND YEARS NOW

AND MANY MORE

TO BE JUST ME

IN THIS OH SO

SILENCE...

FORGIVE MY HELLO

I TRY TO NOT

FEEL SO MUCH

YET SOME DAYS

ITS STILL THERE

AND SOME DAYS

THE HEART SCREAMS

AND SOME IT JUST

ACHES...

MAY NOTHING BUT

LOVE FIND YOU

KEEP YOU

AND NEVER EVER

LET IT HAUNT YOU

EVER AGAIN...

TOO LATE

YET I KNOW

MY HEART WILL

NEVER BE MINE

I WALK ALONE

SO NOT TO

CAUSE NO ONE

EVER THAT

MUCH PAIN

AGAIN

CAUSE LOVE SHOULD

NOT EVER BE

HAUNTING

AND YES

TEARS STILL FALL

WHEN I WRITE ON IT

I CAN'T HELP IT

SORRY SO BLOODY SORRY

...

OH SO LONG AGO

IT SEEMS

BUT I TRULY

HOPE YOU FIND

THE PEACE

AND LOVE

YOU DESERVE

AND IF I AM TRULY

ONE THAT FOR MY

LOVE CAUSED

SO MUCH HAUNTING

PAIN I

GUESS I WAS CLEARLY

WRONG

LOVE SHOULD NEVER

BE A CURSE

ONLY PEACE

ONLY LOVE

ONLY KINDNESS

HAVE I EVER

WANTED...

SO IF A HEART

IN THIS HAS TO BE

CURSED

FOR LOVING YOU

AS MUCH AS I DO

LET IT NOW

BE MY CURSE

TO BARE NOT YOURS

IT SO HAS BEEN

BROKEN AND

IS MENDING

BUT IT PHYSICALLY

TORE ME INSIDE

OUT...

I WALK IT ALONE

NOW

AND KNOW

I AM TRULY

SORRY... FOR

I DIDN'T WANT

MY LOVE

TO BE A HURT

TO YOU... EVER.